Becoming a mother is one of the most wonderful things in the world. You have someone to nurture, lead and love so entirely that nothing else can come close by comparison. Strong mother’s intuition lets you connect to baby and anticipate his or her every need. But whilst having this natural instinct to protect baby is great, does it make it hard for you to trust others to care for baby? Even when it is your husband?
Think about this – you are exhausted after weeks of late-night feedings, diaper changing, and performing household chores at the same time. You could really do with a good lie-in without having to worry about anything for a day or two. However, just thinking about handing over the reins to hubby to take care of the little one sends shivers down your spine, even though you know he’s a great dad and caregiver. If this sounds like you, you may have trust issues.
Building the foundation of trust
As with anything else, start slowly. If he has not yet had the chance to handle baby completely on his own, allow him to first handle some of the ‘smaller responsibilities’. Let him warm up the milk, draw baby a bath and put baby down for a nap. When you see that he is capable of doing all these things (and doing them well), you would naturally begin to trust him for more demanding tasks. It will then be easier for you to let go and allow him to take over from you whenever you need.
However, one thing you need to remember is not to hover behind him as he is carrying out his tasks. As difficult as it may be, do not fuss, nag, micro-manage, criticise or comment on him doing things ‘the wrong way’. Just because he has his own way of going about it does not make it wrong. Trust him to discover and navigate for himself the joys of caring for baby.
Understanding hubby’s needs
Just like you, hubby needs to connect and bond with baby. You need to understand that this is a very important aspect in a father-child relationship and allow him the opportunity to strengthen it as baby grows. So leave baby in daddy’s care, go out for the day and relax. Trust that everything will be alright. And if you need some kind of reassurance, bring your mobile phone along so hubby can call if he needs to.
It is also important that you spend some time to discuss the matter. He needs to understand what you are feeling and going through, and you need to know his thoughts, too. This is a great opportunity for the both of you to work together and overcome this hurdle.
Partners in parenting
A mother should have confidence and trust that her hubby can take care of things and look after baby. Doubt, even when unexpressed, can isolate him from you and baby, robbing him of some of the most precious moments of fatherhood. Always bear in mind that parenting is a partnership. Baby needs as much care and attention from you as from daddy. So give hubby a chance. Not only will his bond with baby become stronger, you can get the rest you need as well… worry-free!